Treacherous Tech

Have you ever read something online that really annoyed you? I’m the dramatic type who will read, re-read, then huff and puff about it for at least two days, all the while threatening to comment on the post or write to the offender, until I’m forced to find my rescue remedy just to calm myself down! I exaggerate, of course, but that is the power of the written word. It’s also the power of social media because that’s where these articles appeared. On my social media feed. Surprise-surprise,  the pieces were on the topics of social media and technology and I thought it was a little bit ironic, to quote Alannis Morissette (got this tune running in your head now, right?), that the same platform it was posted on, was being criticised.

I sent it off to one of my Beasties (best friend who tells the truth) to ask if I’m being overly sensitive to the writing because of my line of work. The answer was no. Although she knows I can be touchy about certain topics, my thoughts were valid. For the last several years, the cyber and information security space has been my daily playground. No-I’m not a techie (no offence geeks, you’re some of my favourite, weird people), but every day, I am using some or other form of technology to fulfil my duties. I’m also often being introduced to or discovering a new technology to help streamline my work. Thank you, Melanie S, for introducing me to a brand new world. Cybercrime turns my normal world on its head and sends it tumbling across the room. I’m boggled, fascinated and could now probably phish some unsuspecting soul with very little effort at all!! You, madam, have created a monster.

It came as a bit of a shock that the writers of these articles gave tech so much credit, as if it were a living, breathing organism. As if the device jumped into the hands of an innocent human and committed atrocious acts against humankind. Sounds like a Stephen King novel. Mr King- if you ever read this and write a novel about a murderous cellphone, please acknowledge me in your book. It’s Lynne. With an E.

This would be a very short read if I concluded here with ‘this is a human/heart issue not a tech or device issue’. Where would the fun be in that? It’s human nature to blame something or someone else for behaviours that are less than becoming. It started in the Garden of Eden. Eve blamed the serpent, Adam blamed Eve and we are still stuck in that endless loop.

Here’s a few examples that emphasise my point and will perhaps make us re-think the approach of blaming something inanimate for some of our biggest problems.   

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>Envy

Let’s use Valentine’s Day as an example since it is the month of love. One half of a couple posts on social media. A romantic, sunrise, hot air balloon ride complete with mimosas and roses and a basket full of Belgian dark chocolate from-you guessed it-Woolworths. You can get Belgian dark chocolate anywhere man-not just Belgium!

Some might look at it and say, “Gah! What a waste of time and money.” Click like. Scroll up.

Others might look at it and say, “Ohhhhh my wordddd. What a romantic gesture. How is it my husband/wife doesn't put in as much effort as that? Why am I always stuck with no-name brand chocolates and happy socks? I wonder how much that cost? If only someone could treat me that special….sigh….”

Or let’s consider the post about the wedding, new car, the new house. Or the one about the baby or the  purchase of new sneakers (#7Sisters https://7sisters.co.za/- I LOVE your sneakers). What about the trip to Paris or Parys and the 50th anniversary celebrations? That post about time spent with friends and supper at one of the top 10 eateries in Sandton. What reaction bubbles inside when you catch sight of it?

>Relationships

Oh, this hot topic. I remember years ago hearing that someone discovered her husband was having an affair because he left his cellphone at home while he went out. She picked it up and saw sms’s from another woman, and his steamy responses to the vixen. This was before tech and social media had evolved to Snapchat and Whatsapp disappearing messages. Marriage ruined. Hurt, humiliation and anger reigned supreme. At the time, the standard reaction was, “This damn cellphone. Causes so many problems!”

No. The cellphone didn't jump into his hand. There was no Bot programmed to respond or initiate the conversation. Tech didn't cause him to lie and cheat and social media didn't force him to disregard his vows. That was all him. A heart issue.

The brazen woman sending memes and suggestive innuendo’s to a married man or a married man hiding his conversations with other women. Those actions reveal character and what’s in a heart. Can’t blame Whatsapp or Facebook Messenger or Insta DM’s for that.

It exposes a deeper issue of disregard for the sanctity of marriage and a lapse in the application of ethics and morals.

The old school flame constantly suggesting that you should meet for a secret coffee hook-up, knowing your husband works away from home-that’s a reflection of his less than honourable intentions not the fault of the iPhone 14 (which, by the way, is a fantastic phone!)  It exposes a lack of boundaries. Disrespect. Selfish intentions.

>Parenting

Now, this one might not go down well at all. If you have placed a device in your child's hand, you are responsible for what happens to that child, on that device.

Take, for example, my Dwollini-Snookums-Shoogini-Sugar Lumps Kriya, who at 20 months old managed to dial me up without her mother knowing. She was upside down on the video call, which was my 1st clue, the second being that I couldn't hear her mother coaching her to say hello or to do one of her tricks, which is the way our conversations usually go. The device was left unattended and she did what any kid would do. Explore. If it was chocolate, she would have eaten it. If it was a book, she would have torn it. Are we going to blame the cellphone, the chocolate and the book?

My most recent horror story is my child wishing me a happy birthday by updating her Whatsapp status! And when asked about it, her response was, "Do you know how long it took to find that picture of us together???" Errrrr longer than it would have taken to come to my room and say , "Happy birthday Moo."

Despite me having many rules and regulations about cellphones for my own kids, I can guarantee you this-they are up to some nonsense on their devices that I don't know about. The issue of cellphones and other devices causes many arguments, raised voices, snotty come-backs and gritting of teeth. Is it the fault of the device if I can’t or don’t enforce the rules? Is it the fault of the device that they disobey the rules?

That child who is sitting up at night stumbling across sites they shouldn't -that’s a lack a parental control. Why does he or she have access to a device, alone, at night? Would you leave your child alone in a room with a loaded weapon? What they do with what’s been placed in their hands is a decision that comes from what already exists in their hearts. Curiosity? Temptation? Pushing boundaries? All familiar terms we associate with adolescent behaviour. Human traits. Nothing at all to do with a device.

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Let’s talk about the time I was gossiping about someone and sent them the gossip text instead of the person I was gossiping with. Heart issue. Or the time I was so excited to receive a pdf of a book I wanted, knowing full well it was copyrighted. Heart issue. You sent that screen shot  even though the person said, “Please don’t share.” Heart issue. Pirated music. Heart issue. Pirated movies (you know who you are!). Heart issue. Mean girl memes. Heart issue. There’s a common theme here. It is not tech. It is not social media. It’s our own hearts.

What about fake news or disinformation? Why are we so ready to believe it and then just as ready to share it? Does it perhaps reflect an opinion we already hold which we feel is safer to express by sharing it when it comes from a source other than ourselves?

What about being in a social setting and instead of engaging in conversation, we are busy on cellphones, mindlessly scrolling, one ear on the conversation, one eye on the screen? Did the phone pick itself up and enticingly place itself in your palms or did you pick it up and choose to display poor manners and horrific ettiquette to those in your company?

Is the problem here the post or the readers reaction to it? The device / platform or our use of it? Let’s look past the intention of the person who posted. It could have been boastful. It could also have been excitement, promotional, gratitude or joy. It might have been posted to be inspirational, thought-provoking or educational. Their intention is not our problem. Our reaction is.

The device, most likely a cellphone, was the tool used to post it. The platform was any of the platforms we have available right now. Can we really blame either the device or the platform,  if my reaction to a post was jealousy? Much like my reaction of annoyance, it reveals the heart of a person. And it’s not pretty.

Conditions that are cited as being a result of social media and technology use, including obesity, distraction, poor concentration, poor posture and vision all have a common thread-the human. The increase in crimes associated with tech and social media including harassment, discrimination, bullying, identity theft or even terrorism-the facilitation of these acts still require a human component.

So what next? Here’s a few suggestions that I think may just make navigating this digital- in-person blended life a little bit easier:

• Old School

Use a pen and notebook to take notes. It will stop your fingers from sliding over to that black and white (or pink and white) icon just to get a peek of what’s happening there. I write out my weekly menu and have an old fashioned planner where I note my appointments and the family schedules. This way, I don’t sit down to write a menu on an App on my cellphone and 30 minutes later realise ooops! -watching Nigella cook a meal is not going to help me when I’m standing in front of the freezer wondering what to cook because I failed to make my own menu!

• Single Screens

Do you ever find that while you’re binge watching a series, you also have your device in your hand checking social media sites? Our rule in our home is you can’t be watching TV and also be on a device. Then leave the room and go attend to what you need to. Does it always work? No! But it's worth a shot and bears repeating. One screen at a time please.

• Feed me Seymour

My sister still talks about how I used to eat and read at the same time. These days, how often do you find yourself with a fork in one hand and your device in the other? Both are disgusting habits! If you’re eating, enjoy the meal. Nothing is so important that it should disturb your enjoyment of a well prepared meal that provides nourishment to your body!

• Hobby Hobbit

Find a hobby that does not involve the use of tech. Two different, amazing friends gifted me paint-by-numbers and diamond dot art. Want to know why? I would wander over to YouTube to start with ‘painting easy water colour flowers’ and one hour later, I had not painted a single flower but had watched at least 10 different silly video’s on alien sightings!!

You will be amazed how much better your mind functions just using your hands. Crocheting, knitting, Lego, card games, reading, board games and beading are just some things that come to mind. You will thank me.

• Fixed fun

Disclaimer : I love technology. I love Apps!! It makes my life easier. At the same time, it’s easy to get lost and engrossed and forget about what’s right in front of you. I set a fixed time to work it into my life. I love taking pics and documenting my escapades. So, when guests come over, my time to take pics is either before the meal or when they are leaving. I need it for my picture journal! Going somehwere new? Either as I enter or as I leave, I will sneak in a pic or 2, not anytime in between.

Attending a concert? I get snips of one song and a few pics and then chuck the cellphone away and enjoy the moment. I go for a walk without a cellphone and without listening to music. Evening reading does not require my devices to be anywhere near me. Evening reading is not done on my Kindle. Little things. Big difference.

Of course these changes came because of much nagging from my other half. He was reading the books highlighted below,  It was worth it.

• Vacay away

Our most recent vacation was at a remote spot with no cell signal. At all. It forced us to savour the silence, breathe in the mountain air and update social media only after the holidays had ended. I completed a novel in a day! Avoid live streaming of certain activities. The rest of us are cringing and hoping your phone doesn't fall off the edge of the mountain or into the stream while you post in the moment!

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Changing our behaviour requires self examination which is uncomfortable and possibly painful. Of course, it’s much easier to blame something or someone else because owning up to it will expose a flaw or a weakness. It’s so much easier to expect change from others rather than putting ourselves through the tortuous experience of effecting change from within. It’s hard work! Here’s to digging deep into heart issues, excavating intentions and motives, brushing off dusty beliefs, throwing off negative mindsets and making necessary changes to help us navigate this hybrid life in a meaningful, mindful and inspirational way.