The one where I turned 50

The hype towards me turning 50 in January 2025 was quite something. Not by me. No. It was family and friends around me who started talking about it since I turned 49. There were the loud, random exclamations, “It’s the last of your 40's!!!”

“What are you doing for your 50th?”

 “What does it feel like to be heading to 50?”

“Can you BELIEVE you are turning 50?”

I want to say that I trained to run the Comrades or lost 20kgs or went sky diving or did something extraordinary. I have heard incredible stories of people who embraced the milestone with the vigour of a 21-year-old. I hear stories of people doing amazing things in their 49th year, to lead into their fifties.

I think the most extraordinary thing I did was stay out jail and not be put away for murder.

It is quite true what they say. 50 is the new 40. If you catch me on a good day, then I most certainly don’t look like I’m 50. If you catch me on a bad day….well, I could pass for 49. I am quite up to speed with most things that are trending, not because I subscribe to some of the nonsense that is trending out there, but because I want to know how to manage it within my household, should either one of the girls decide to bring those trends home.

I would like to think I have become a better person than I was in my 40's. I would like to think I’m wiser, kinder, closer to God and more authentic than I used to be.

The best way to tell you what entering my fifties made me reflect on is this song. One of favourites, by Big Daddy Weave.

https://youtu.be/1TKAN-nAsu8?si=ABhHjLEUd3fcWt9W

If I have to tell you my story, I have to start with Christ. I have to start with me being a sinful, terrible creature but there is a God in heaven. My Father in heaven who loved me so much that He sent His son to die for me so that I wouldn’t remain a sinful, terrible, hopeless individual. The Bible says He knew me from my mother’s womb. (Jeremiah 1:5a Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;)

Well, some of my cousins also knew me from my mother's womb! They are older than 50 and they know who they are.

This is how it works. We are all sinful. I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “Why did I waste my time reading this blog, now to top it off she calls me a sinner?”

 This is true whether we live our lives in the best way possible. We cannot possibly be righteous. We cannot possibly obey every single commandment. As Martin Morrison, the previous rector of the church I attend puts it, “I have broken every single one of the 10 commandments – if not in deed, then in thought.” He is as old a Moses so I think he knows what he is talking about!

We cannot possibly live without saying sinful things, thinking sinful thoughts, failing to live a holy and righteous life. Gods knew this. And still He loved us. I didn’t have to do anything for Him to love me.  The best thing is I didn’t have to change to come to Him.

I changed WHEN I came to Him. I changed because I came to Him. He loves us in spite of ourselves.

I grew up in church. My whole life was filled with church attendance. From Sunday school to youth meetings to mid-week prayer meetings, all night prayer meetings, singing in the worship team and Sunday morning church. It was great. But sometimes we can be involved in religious things or religious activities but not be in a relationship with God. That’s the difference between who I was and who I am. It’s having a relationship with Jesus.

I want to tell you that me believing in Jesus makes my life easier. I want to tell you I have no problems, my bank account is overflowing, that I don’t face frustrations or challenges. I want to tell you that life with Jesus means no difficulties.

I want to tell you I have an explanation as to why there was the fires in LA, the war in Israel, why my friend of 43 died suddenly. I want to tell you there’s an explanation for sickness and divorce, rebellion, heartbreak and all the ugly things in this world.

I can’t. 

 I can tell you that even in the darkest most difficult situations, I was held together by God, an inexplicable peace and assurance that God was in control. Sometimes, the things we go through doesn’t look like there’s a God who loves us. Divorce and death and sickness doesn’t look or feel like love. Someone stealing from you, hijackings, injustice, racism, - that doesn’t feel like love. The price of petrol and groceries that sure as heck doesn’t feel like love!!

I watched a trailer by Levi Lusko recently. He was promoting his book that came out of the depths of grief when their family lost their little girl a few years ago.

He explained it better than I could. I paraphrase but it went along the lines of, “Everything we go through is for Gods glory. It is a platform to tell someone of who God is.”

We live in an age where everyone wants a platform. These days it’s easy enough to get one, this blog being a prime example of me creating a platform for myself.

Perhaps our trials are a platform, a microphone to tell someone about God.  To emphasize that He is good. To encourage someone that when things are falling apart, it might seem like He is so far away, but He is actually holding you together.

It was hard, it was heartbreaking; it was tough-I thought I wouldn’t make it. But, here I am and God gets the glory for bringing me through it.

Turning 50 has made me completely intolerable to superficial relationships and anything that does not align itself to the word of God.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I may have to stand alone because of my beliefs. That people may exit my life, not wanting to be a part of it because the word of God seems too difficult to obey. They may quit on me because the Godly principles set out in the Bible for our good is too strict, too stringent, too difficult. That people may dislike me or think I’m not fun or criticize me for being vocal about God. After all, isn’t this supposed to be the job of pastors and ministers?

I'm hoping that I get better in my 50's realsing that the great commission is for me. It's for you too.

(Matthew 28:19-20 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.)

I’m prepared to stand alone but if these last years of my forties have taught me anything, it’s that I am never alone when I have Jesus.