The Balancing Act

I took the picture below the other night for no other reason except that I wanted proof of how I support this guy through all his studies! All joking aside, this has been us since our first year of marriage. From Honours, to Masters, To PhD and now MBA. For my sins, the Lord thought an academic was the right partner for me.

Roland working on a paper for some additional qualification and me reading a book. Earlier on in our marriage, I would have ranted and raved about the state of my bedroom. A desk and chair? Papers? Screens? Laptops?

I think I have mellowed out in my old age. I actually bought that desk for him. Instead of a side table, he has a desk. Instead of a side table, I have an oversized comfy chair. More often than not that chair has pieces of clothing on it……..many, many pieces of clothing. You can judge me all you want.

I would invite you to come live a day in the life of Lynne so you can find the time to put those clothes away, but I’m too scared of Delusional Dixie, who might take me seriously. She will come over to live a day in the Life of Lynne-next thing you know, the police are finding my body buried in my rose garden, uncovered by the new owners who wanted to dig up my roses and plant lavender bushes!

I breathe a huge sigh of relief that October is done, and my November calendar is full..... (oh- by the way, I already have plans for 09 December-so if you think I joke about planning and organizing, let me reassure that I have some friends who are exactly the same……and I love them!).

Most households will be frantic as year-end exams start becoming a reality.

I have at least 3 major projects looming at work, I’m busy juggling dates to have people over before they leave for the December holidays. All this while I’m trying to find a replacement USB for my noise cancelling headphones (which grew legs and walked out of my study), order textbooks for Kelsie for 2024, nag her about learning the songs for band practice on Sunday morning and trying to learn the soprano part for church choir songs because, if my plate was not full already, I decided to join the choir because I like singing!

Then there’s my brain going like a bullet train thinking, “What shall I pack for the church picnic, can I make enough methi lagaan to share at the picnic?” Also, “I really need to do a load of washing, now that the sun is out again”.

It is a mission to try to find balance in the busy lives that we lead. Everyone is screaming for more and often I’m tempted to say, “I don’t have more to give!” but end up trying to find a way to squeeze something in to help someone out.

There are a few things that I have tried that bring some semblance of calm to my life. It will not just fall into place the first time. It may take a couple of attempts. The more you make a determined decision to live a balanced life, the easier it becomes to find days, hours or even minutes, where you can rest, rewind, refresh, recalibrate and keep running the race.

Re-create a Memory

Now, I know I am not going to be able to head over to Amsterdam just to rest. Loadshedding is a reality and when I feel like a holiday, I go outside and look at the solar panels and remember why I can’t go on holiday. No, I didn’t contribute a single cent towards the installation, but when Roland settled the final invoice, I saw my flight to Seychelles literally and figuratively fly out the window, to the roof.

I get it. The cost of flights and accommodation is enough to give me heart palpitations. However, there are certain foods and drinks that can take you back to a place that invoke the same feelings you felt, as you experienced it in the past. For me it’s stroopwafel and coffee.

A simple thing like grabbing a pack from Woolies (or if you feel up to the drive - Jasmyn in Hartebeespoort), making myself a cup of coffee, placing the stroopwafel on top of the cup of coffee and waiting for the caramelly magic to happen. Apparently, the steam from the coffee melts the caramel and that is the perfect way to eat a stroopwafel. The scent of coffee and sugary goodness melding together. Deep breath and I’m on the streets of Amsterdam again. Trudging along with raincoats because the rain came out of nowhere. Kelsie, who was probably 11 at the time, asking, “Why did Anne Frank live in a cupboard if her house was so big?”

Caitlin asking, “Mummy, there’s so many coffee shops around, why don’t you go in?” At 15, she didn’t realise it was THOSE kind of coffee shops!

Roland taking us on an impromptu trip to Rotterdam, and spending World Harbour Day at the harbour! And just like that, some of my stress melts away, I’m re-living those moments, and I am feeling more relaxed. What memory can you re-create to re-set your day? It might be a meal, or paging through your photo’s or just listening to a song that gets your blood going. Set aside 10 minutes.

Rands and Scents

There is nothing I like more than walking into my home and smelling my favourite scent. Not perfume. My home scent. Every home has a scent.

For years, the scent in my home was Sea Breeze. It was essential oils and perfume burner rocks that I had been using since we moved into our first flat on Bartle Road almost 24 years ago. When we relocated to Gauteng, every trip down to Durban was not complete until I had visited the Stables flea market and stocked up again on Sea Breeze. The flea market closed down not long before lock-down hit and I lost the vendors details so I couldn’t buy the oils any longer.

Enter my good friend Natalie who gifted me the most divine bottle of Africology Lemongrass oil for my birthday and just like that, I found a new favourite signature scent for my home. When I have a fully packed calendar, I spritz a few drops into my study. The scent of lemongrass comforts me and gets me to sit down just to savour it. When I have tidied up and cooked and finally get to flop on the couch, this lemongrassy scent is busy being dispensed from my diffuser. I forget that I did 2 loads of washing and cooked three different meals and the scent of lemongrass nudges me to close my eyes and just appreciate the moment.

It might be peppermint for you. Or lavender or vanilla or citrus. Some people mentioned the smell of freshly cut grass or the tar after the rain. Some said the smell of cookies in the oven or the smell of freshly baked bread. Others have said the smell of spices mingling in a pot, the beginnings of a meal. The aroma of a cup of good coffee. What’s your scent that centres you?

Adult Coloring

The first time I mentioned this to some of my friends, one of them said, “Ooooooooh adult coloring….what’s this?…….does it have juicy pictures to colour?” Yes. I have crazy friends with crazy ideas.

NO. It is not colouring books filled with graphic pics. It’s different from kids colouring books because it has more intricate images and is sometimes combined with a journaling component.

It requires a bit more than staying in the lines and using 2 basic colours. You can use gelato’s, colour pencils or felt tipped pens. There’s metallic colour pencils, dual colour pencils, pastel colour pencils and plain old Croxley colour pencils in pack of 12.

My point is that coloring in one of my coloring books or my colouring one year Bible is my metrics for whether I’m feeling balance or not. If I don’t find or make time for coloring, then something is out of whack!

It means I’m giving too much in one area and not enough in another. What is your metric? Skipping a run or the gym? Not finding time to cook your favourite meal, skipping coffee dates with friends, skipping social events or activities? Maybe it’s not finding time to complete that book you started or time to listen to the new album by your favourite artist. For me, this method pushes me to sit down and take stock of what’s going on in my life. Have I over committed? Have I not set enough boundaries and said yes to too many things? Am I doing many things but none of them are being done well?

What’s your metric?

Four Square Breathing

OK- the name got me. I was a really bad math student but is there any other kind of square except one that has 4 sides??? And I bet you’re going to stop reading and go Google ‘Is there a square that has less than 4 sides?’

Also known as Box Breathing and you have probably used this method without even knowing it had a name. Navy SEALS use this technique in high stress situations, to quickly get the nervous system under control. It gets your focus re-aligned and gets your thinking to be precise and clear. It has been used as a method to get anxiety attacks under control, treat depression and improve attention and mental resilience. It has been known to be useful for reducing blood pressure and stress management.

There are other methods out there that you may find more beneficial. This one works for me. It’s simple enough. Deep breath in for 4 seconds, hold the breath in your lungs for 4 seconds, exhale the breath for 4 seconds. And repeat.

I have barely written this last sentence and already I’m thinking of a training campaign I need to launch today, dropping Kelsie off to say hi to her new favourite dog (who belongs to someone else!) and cooking early enough so that Roland can eat a meal before he leaves to his gig. Chatting to a friend yesterday, because I had set a goal to read the entire Bible in the next 2 months, (and I asked a few friends to consider joining me so we could keep each other accountable - here is the link if you would like to try https://www.bsbtonline.org/gallery/60-day_bible_reading_plan_1.pdf).

She said she asked herself, “How does Lynne find the time to do all this?”

The answer is I don’t. I drop the ball many times over, take wrong turns and get frustrated and moody. I don’t just fall off the wagon…..I ride the wagon right into a ditch, then fall off, headfirst, and emerge covered in mud and leaves.

In the middle of my mess, my colour pencils are out on my desk, waiting to be picked up and put to use. Here’s to a balanced, calm, centred weekend. Delusional Dixie is sure to accidentally on purpose prance across my path this weekend. I have got to have my four square breathing prepped and ready for that less than desirable encounter. Deep breath in for 4. Hold for 4. Exhale for 4. And repeat!