Social Media Shenanigans:Wedded Woes

Some days, it’s hard to believe that Roland and I met in the age before social media. As if married life wasn’t hard enough, throw social media into the mix and the fireworks were sure to start. We have one of those marriages. I love to use social media platforms to share about our lives and keep in touch with family and friends far and wide. He doesn’t! Many a marriage has died a quick death over social media shenanigans and the damage was deep and irreparable. The most common phrase I heard from Roland when this tango with social media took off was, “How was I supposed to know that?”

For a long time, it was hit and miss. We engaged in this magical world and then would fight about what goes and what doesn’t. We found common ground on one aspect and before you know it, we were back at square one, fighting about a different social media issue.

Here are a few things I believe is non-negotiable when it comes to behavior you should expect from married people on social media platforms.

· You need to be friends with both parties to a couple. If you choose to only be friends with the member of the opposite sex, please do ask yourself why. There are of course exceptions but if you know both people, then both people need to receive equivalent interaction from you on social media platforms.

· Chatting with only one half of a couple and keeping it a secret should set off bells which would rival Quasimodo on his best day. If it doesn’t, you have a problem.

· If you you become defensive when your spouse raises too much time spent chatting to someone, you need to take time to evaluate your motives and intentions.

· Do you navigate to someone’s page more often than others just to see what they are up to? Scrolling through their pictures too often, downloading their photo’s without their permission or keeping any online interactions with said person a secret, then you have problems my friend.

The pandemic has made it necessary to navigate social media to keep in touch with friends and families. Having a balance of online and real life has become a necessity but if this lifestyle is our new norm, then we need to get a handle on what the rules will be, for your own sanity and for the health of your marriage. Instead of letting it drive a wedge between you, why not come up with an agreed plan regarding your online lives? This way both you and your spouse know the rules and neither of you have any excuse for stepping outside of the boundaries of that plan.

Here are some suggestions and this list is not exhaustive.

- Create tech free zones where neither of you is allowed to be on any devices or active on any social media platforms

- How much information are you happy to share, without one spouse being offended or annoyed?

- Are you in agreement about posting your children’s photos?

- Are there topics that are off limits?

- Are you willing to be friends with exes, high school sweethearts and the one that got away and to what extent will this contact be acceptable?

- Will you run pictures by your spouse before you post?

- Do you get to ‘ask for a friend’ on social media platforms?

- Will you be comfortable if your spouse posts on religious and political views? What about medical? (Case in point the recent spate of vaccine status updates)

- Will the post embarrass them in the eyes of their employers, work colleagues or their siblings and parents?

- What will be the repercussions if one spouse breaks the rules?

My final thoughts on this would be:

Do be wary of anyone who would cross online (or real) boundaries

Do block and un-friend anyone who disrespects your spouse or your marriage

Do use common sense-if you won’t do it in real life, don’t do it online