Social Media Shenanigans: Treacherous Texts

I think the reason I like writing is because way too often when I speak, I get into trouble over the tone of my voice. I’m a naturally loud person. Add to that a tone that’s sometimes harsh and unfriendly and you have way too much room to be unhappy with me. Not with what I say (I’m more than convinced I know what I’m talking about) but rather how I say it.

No-one was happier than I was when emails and sms’s arrived on the scene. It made my life so much easier because I couldn’t be accused of shouting or being harsh. Even so, I’m also still the kind of person who will avoid text communication if the topic is serious enough. I pick up the phone and have a conversation.

Text messages, on whatever platform you choose to use, can never appropriately replace the luxuriance of face-to-face communication. This is because text messages lack an adequate way to convey emotions. Always bear in mind that tone and meaning can be misinterpreted in a text, no matter how well written and well intentioned.

Several pitfalls I have encountered along the way have taught me hard lessons. Maybe some of these will save you the headaches I had to endure in this digital journey of treacherous text conversations.

Body Language

For years we have been told that more than 90% of communication is non-verbal. Maybe those stats are not accurate but think about the number of times you have watched for non-verbal cues to help you arrive at a decision? The conversations with your kids where just by watching their reactions you know who ate the last Oreo or who scribbled on the newly painted walls with red crayon? Without face-to-face interactions, we agonise every exclamation mark. Was it irritation or excitement? We battle with every yes and no. Was that sarcasm or frustration? Instead of entertaining tortuous thoughts, if the subject is important enough, it warrants a proper call or a face-to-face interaction, even if that means a video call.

Emotions

Although you will probably get a feel for how to interpret someone’s emotions via text, it is a long, complicated journey to get to that point. NO amount of emoji’s can correctly convey what is actually going on with you or the person you are texting. There are certain conversations that require more than just a text.

Context

There is no way for you to fully have context during a text conversation. Is the person ill? Did they have a tough night? Is there a family situation going on? Are they fully focused on typing you the message or being distracted in a noisy coffee shop or by other people wanting their attention? This means someone’s response to a simple text can be completely misunderstood. If texting is the only way to go, establish if this is the best time to be having a serious discussion via text.

Anonymity

The idea of having a conversation without having to look someone in the eye has given people great bravery and spunk. It’s easier to say things you wouldn’t have, had you been face to face. It’s easier to be more aggressive and argumentative over texts. It is way to easy to imagine something is that actually isn’t. If you sense a conversation is taking a turn for the worse, rather end it and schedule a proper call or meeting.

Avoidance

I find this a particularly vicious act of cruelty. Ignoring someone’s text is the worst possible way to handle a sticky situation. Simple rule of thumb. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.

My final thoughts on this would be:

· Do use common sense when texting private or confidential issues

· Do remember that a phone call can avoid misunderstandings and misery

· Do remember that it is very easy to miss important nuances in a text conversation