Social Media Shenanigans-Blood is Thicker

Group chats have become part of our day to day lives. It is so much easier and cheaper to message someone than to actually pick up the phone to have a conversation. Work groups, church groups, women’s groups, men’s groups, cousins, youth, neighbourhood watch groups and the one group almost every single one of us belong to-the family group.

We have developed a love-hate relationship with this group, much like how things pan out in real life. We argue, we disagree, we insult, we tease, we gossip, we make plans, we exit, we get added back and eventually end up muting the group, until we receive that frantic call asking, “Are you bringing trifle for Christmas lunch? Why are you not replying???" Errrrr because Christmas is 3 months away, that’s why!

My pet peeve with family groups is having ‘two' family groups. One that includes in-laws, out-laws and the cats and dogs in between and then the second group which includes only siblings and parents. Either you are family or not. What exactly is your intention in creating that second group? And please don’t say, “Well the people who married into this family don’t know the same people we know so they won’t be able to comment.” Give me a well-deserved KitKat break! The only reasons to have a separate family group, minus any member, is to plan a surprise birthday, baby shower, anniversary, or any other wonderful surprise event, which you don’t want that member to know about. If it’s not that, well then whoever created that extra group, and whoever stays in it, is up to no good. I said it. I will repeat it. Up.To.No.Good. Feelings will be hurt. Resentment will grow and surface in time. Chasms will form and irreparable damage will be done.

Let’s see if we can imagine a real-life equivalent scenario. You are all at a wedding. Your family is seated together except your spouse, who has been seated at a separate table because he/she doesn’t know the bridal couple and well everything you have to say about the wedding, they cannot comment on because the bride was a baby when she was your neighbour and the groom was in your Grade 1 class. Would you be fine with that set-up? If you won’t let it happen in real life, don’t let it happen in your digital life.

I think these few tips might help save some family relationships:

Take it offline

If you sense a disagreement brewing within a family group, stop contributing to that chat and take it up with the person in question privately. It is easy to type things that you will never have the guts to say to someone in person. If you can’t picture yourself saying it in person, don’t type it and say it in a chat.

Only respond if necessary

You don’t need everyone to respond to your ‘good morning’ so that you can get on with your day. Pick up the phone and have a conversation if you really want to engage with your family. If you don’t have anything to say or don’t want to say anything in a chat, there is no need to respond with random emoji’s.

Patience

Two blue ticks does not equal availability. A whatsapp chat can span over a few hours or a couple of days. There is no need to think your family member has been kidnapped or injured or died because they don’t reply to a thread of a chat. Give them time to catch up.

Boundaries

It’s a good idea to set common times to chat and catch up. Everyone can consider it a ‘date’ much like you would set aside time to meet for coffee and a chat. This way, everyone’s family time is respected, and you are not interrupting supper time, baby’s bath time or couple’s date night.

Check in privately with the people who don’t chat in the group. There is no need to single them out for not chatting.

Rules

All Whatsapp groups need rules. Family groups are no different. Post the rules. Explain them to the older generation who may not understand the nuances of social media etiquette. It’s pointless getting in a huff with Aunty Sarah when she doesn’t know what she is doing is a no-no in the digital world.

My final few thoughts are:

- Do use common sense

- Do read messages you have missed before commenting

- Do show respect to the members of your family group and treat them the way you want to be treated