Redemption
- lynnemoses
- Feb 25, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: Feb 26, 2022
The second last love story for the month of love. Olga and I met while she was a newly graduated article clerk at a prestigious law firm in Johannesburg. She was single and the daughter of a prominent minister and politician while I was a married, sleep deprived mother of a one year old, working at a government funded organization, serving articles, attending night school and intending to write board exams all in one year! She thought I was quite standoffish and unapproachable. I thought I wish this girl would stop asking me for a sip of my Energade every night!
Fast forward several years later where she sat across me at a table in Doppio Zero in Rosebank and told me about her heartbreaking year, I was not shocked at the things that had been done to her because let’s be real, humans can be cruel and ugly. I was astounded that someone would behave in this manner towards Olga. She was one of the nicest, sweetest, most faithful woman you could ever have the pleasure of calling your friend. We had sporadic conversations over a few years and managed to squeeze in a meal or two before I heard she was leaving to the United States to study. It sounded so glamorous and exciting and it was definitely the start of another chapter in her life. What she didn’t expect was what she has referred to as her redemption story. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl has been hurt before so is cautious and slightly reluctant to start or pursue anything. Boy asks girl out. Girl says NO! Brave, brave (crazy?) boy decides to try again. Girl says yes and so began a roller coaster romance and the beginning of a God ordained life together.
My inadequate summary doesn’t do justice to the absolute wonder of how God brings 2 people together. I have pieced together snippets of important advice to those looking for the one. For those who are plagued by endless questions, comments and speculations about your marital status, perhaps this couple’s unique union will help you keep hope alive as you wait for the one God has chosen for you.
Scars
I was born into a Christian home, saved at the age of 7; I'm a Pastor's child and eldest daughter of high profile parents. I was an over-achiever, excelled in everything I did; had a fairytale wedding complete with a wedding dress that had a 7 meter / 23 foot train carried by two train bearers. So how did my forever after close like an episode of the Jerry Springer show?
The stares of judgment from people in the church and community who refused to know the scars of abuse I bore because the scars were not visible; the loud whispers of condemnation from people who left my dad's church who refused to acknowledge that adultery swept under the carpet will repeat itself again, and again, and again. The celebration of people in the scandal that had rocked the Meshoe family; friends who had once said, "We will always be there for you," left me in the cold to deal with the mess and the broken pieces of my life alone.
I had disappointed myself and placed my family under the spotlight of scrutiny. I doubted whether God would, whether He could, use someone like me. "Divorcees were unusable by God,” my mind screamed! Yet, in the quietness of His Word, the steadfastness of His love, He showed me that He loved me all the same. I chose to believe Him and lean on the strength of my family as I healed, learnt to forgive and learnt to trust again.
God gave me a new song- not the verse of my song that is the scandal and the shame, but the chorus of my song, which is that God loves the broken; He removes the shame and He can still use the divorced woman. I am thankful that God used my limp to help others believe that they can still run the race God has set for them and win!
Thank you Father for using my song to give hope to those who may have thought the sun would never shine again and illustrate to the shamed that there is no shame in healed scars...
Olga’s advice on making a list and taking it to God:
1. Psalms 37: 4 was my premise (‘Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart’). God must be involved in drawing up the list. As you seek His face, He places His desires in your heart. Seeking Him helps to sift out the ridiculous items (or add ones that you ordinarily wouldn't).
2. Get real with what’s ridiculous. One of the items on my list was someone who was ‘made’. In fact, the word I used was ‘well-cooked’ . My attitude was: I am grown, I’ve been waiting a while, I don’t need to work with someone who hasn’t got things worked out. He didn’t have to be perfect but I wasn’t keen to work on / with someone who was still trying to figure it out. Well! My arrogance got a gentle talking to when a mentor told me: “That’s a lazy attitude.” Em…. So, I had to rework my attitude and realise that no person is fully made. We are all on a journey. It is a blessing and an honour to partner with someone to build something. As a wife, I am to help birth my husband’s vision, to be a prayer partner that he can rely on, and to be his most trusted ally in establishing God’s purpose for his life, our family’s and whatever community(ies) God has called us to.
3. Keep those standards HIGH! (This is different to #2 above, which speaks to one’s attitude). I’ve come to learn that being unequally yoked doesn’t only refer to a Christian marrying a non-Christian. It speaks to values, expectations, walk with God, vision etc. For me, a ‘Christian man’ wasn’t good enough: he had to be a man who feared God (lots of men – and women – walking around with the title ‘Christian’ but the fear of the Lord is non-existent). It also meant a man whose vision was bigger than his own comfort, who would dare to pray Psalms 2:8 kind of prayers. My heart is for Africa and I’m a little passionate (ok, make that very passionate) about Israel and all that she offers. So, someone who understood that and would support me in it was important. I’m not a Sunday only church person so I knew a Sunday only spouse wouldn’t work. After my faith, my family is priority! And so ‘a family man’ was high on my list. And so the list grew…
4. Share your list but don’t share it with the world. People who don’t understand your journey or destiny (or who just don’t want to see you succeed) will shut you down and discourage you. This is different from seeking counsel from a godly role model and godly friends; godly people who will challenge your attitude, your mindset, your expectations etc. Share your list with persons you trust, persons who will pray for you and keep you accountable. Oh, and keep your eyes off other people’s lists! Stay in your own lane.
5. Distinguish ‘fundamentals’ from ‘nice to haves’, but dare to ask God for all of them. Even if the request is a mere whisper of the heart. God was gracious to give me my fundamentals and some of my nice to haves – my fiancé (now husband) is tall, good-looking, a musician and enjoys working out. Oh shalala maye satha, praise Him! All in all, I got what I asked for, and some. I really do encourage ‘a person of godly character’ to be a fundamental on the list.
6. Be open to God answering your list in His own way. Never in a million years would I have planned Joshua's and my coming together the way that it did. But God…!
7. Wait on God. And when you are tired of waiting, keep waiting. And when you are really, really done waiting, wait some more! Keep your eyes focused on God and patiently smile at all the people who won’t stop asking where the man is or who continuously remind you that your eggs are ageing (goodness!). God. Is. Faithful. I stopped waiting to be found and just lived. Inspired by Rebekah and Ruth of the Bible who were found while they were working, my mantra was ‘I’m running a race; Mr. Man will find me running.’ Yes, definitely start to prepare yourself for marriage but don’t live for it. The life we live should be a life to ultimately hear the words ‘well done, My good and faithful servant’; single or married. He makes ALL things beautiful, in HIS time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Above everything you read or hear, seek God for yourself, stay humble and accountable to persons who love you and have your destiny at heart.
Joshua’s Journal:
I was journaling earlier about my fiancée (now wife and mother of my children) and want to share a reflection:
I came to her once and she basically rejected me. I say 'basically' because in the rejection, she called me good-looking, which was part of what kept me holding on... but that's another story for another day. 😜
A few months later, I had decided to try again; I wasn't sure what to say, until it hit me: One of the key things she said when she first rejected me (besides that I was good-looking), was that she told G-d that the next man she gets into a relationship with, she wants to marry.
I realized at that moment, that it was do or die. All or nothing.
Then I realized something else.
I want it all.
I realized that my biggest fear wasn't that she'd shut me down again; it was that she'd say yes and I would actually get what I had been asking G-d for since I can remember; a wife.
G-d did that, and so much more.
Our biggest fear is not of failure, but success.
Because when we succeed, everything changes. Terrain is unfamiliar. Paths are unknown.
But you know something? I realized something else shortly after I approached her the second time to which she responded favorably...
It's worth every bit.
Reflections from my last dress fitting…
When I finally decided that I wanted to get married again, one of the things I asked myself was "Can I have another dream dress"?
As trivial as the question was, it represented the myriad of questions that I had: I had given it my all the first-time round; was a second give-it-my-all possible? What did a second chance mean? Would the stigma go away? How would he look at me? How would people look at me? How would I look at myself?
I have come to learn that ‘redemption’ not only means ‘God restores’, it also means, ‘He makes things new’. New beginning, new hope, new chance, new journey, new dream dress.
And so, when I walk down the aisle in a few weeks, I am going to be an amazingly beautiful bride wearing her new dream dress. Beautiful because God gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3), and His beauty is what I will be wearing.
The scars that exist aren’t blemishes, but reminders that sing of His unending grace. A grace I don’t deserve, but a grace I am beyond humbled and excited to accept, cognizant of the responsibility that comes with it.
God makes all things beautiful. In His time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
I think my post to Olga on her South African wedding day pretty much sums up how this story ended. Covenant. Covenant between Him and us His beloved children. Beautiful. Unique. Colourful. Indescribable!
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