Time Out

One of my friends mentioned that she hadn’t seen a blog post in a while. A gentle, calm soul, with very seldom a harsh word out of her, but coming from her, this observation was like a punch in the gut. Then there’s the other friend who said, “Oooh I can’t wait to read what you have written for Womens Month....... like you usually do.” I broke out in a sweat and it wasn’t a hot flash.

The truth is, I have not written for a few weeks, even though the idea has been germinating for a while. I could not get this one going because of a very serious issue. I’m in debt.

Wait.

Before you start sending money, (which I would just spend on shoes anyway!), I’m in TIME debt.

Every so often, I get into the mode of complaining that I don’t have enough time to do something. To read, to cook my favourite dish, to complete all my work, to attend social events, to journal, to colour, to write. You have probably heard this a million times – we all have 24 hours in the day! That doesn’t stop me from silently screaming that I don’t have time to do all that I need to do. I’m Little Lenny, a hamster on a wheel, going in circles, doing the same things over and over again and watching in envy as people get the balance right and are sipping margarita’s on the beach! Of course, as with all life problems and crisis’s, the problem, is in fact, me. Not God who didn’t make 26 hours instead of 24, not my very demanding job or family, not church commitments, study committments or friends. Me.

I first heard of this concept of time debt from the fabulous Valorie Burton, after I heard her speak at a conference in Gauteng. She has an amazing book called ‘It’s About Time’ and a very helpful resource on her website, which can help you get started on this process of getting out of time debt.

Some of my top time wasters, in no particular order:

- Insulting Invites

Oh, don’t you be judging me! We have all done this. We know how it’s going to go. We accept an invite knowing that when you arrive, you will be criticized and picked on. You know the meals won’t be ready on time, so the 1 hour event becomes 2. You know someone is going to ask you questions you are not ready to answer. You know someone will behave inappropriately and someone is going to discuss money. YOU KNOW! We say yes anyways. I end up taking the time to attend such events when I know it is going to be a waste of my time. Just to avoid a difficult discussion about my absence at the event, I say yes. A repeat of something I often say. RSVP can be yes or no. No doesn’t need a reason or justification. Nobody in the history of saying yes has ever been asked WHY did you say yes to an invite.

- Irrelevant Invites

The reverse of the above, except I can’t now say no to my own event. Don’t feel under pressure to reciprocate just because you have been invited to someone’s home. Coffee meetings, lunch, baby showers, tea parties -anything that you know you really can’t spare the time but feel guilted into doing because you are trying to measure up. You certainly don’t have to reciprocate out of obligation. It just ends up wasting your time. Don’t do it.

- Senseless Scrolling

Sigh. What more needs to be said? I just picked up my cellphone to find some worship music to listen to while I type and what do you know? It’s 15 minutes later. Just FYI, I settled on one of my favorites, Worship Circle Hymns (2019).

My latest rule in my home is that cellphones are not allowed into the lounge. Ever. If you want to message someone, or take a call, get up and go get your phone from the dining room and do it somewhere else. I’m betting some of my friends thought I died because I haven’t been responding within 30 seconds!

- Binge, Binge, Binge

Binging, some years ago, was something people kept a closely guarded secret. It suggested a lack of control and the inability to self-regulate your desires. These days, it is being advertised as if it’s something we should consider, if we haven’t already done so. “Bingeworthy series”. I cringe when I see this. Before you know it, my evenings have been spent in the home of Young Sheldon, envying his cowboys boots and thinking how much like Mary I am! Or I’m re-watching Friends because nothing is funnier than Joey trying to speak French and Rachel and Ross taking a break and my break has gone from 30 minutes to 90 minutes.

Here are a few concepts that stuck out for me, from the book It’s About Time. I’m not going to summarise the entire book for you. I don’t have the errrrm time…… I would recommend reading it, but to whet your appetite, I think these few sentences might resonate.

- Choosing the meaningful over the urgent. "Meaningful activities are timeless." They will always hold special memories or invoke feelings of happiness and contentment. Meaningful activities can be enjoyed solo or within family or friend circles and the responsibility of arranging it, doesn’t necessarily fall onto one person. Since it’s meaningful to everyone within the group, someone will either raise it or step up to plan it or contribute to make it happen.

- It’s ok to miss out. We will have seasons of our lives where will miss out on things. I remember when Cait was a baby, I often wondered what the point of going to church was. All I did was sit in the mother’s room, with other mothers and babies and barely heard the sermon. It was a season. Yesterday, she and I wrote Bible college exams together and I thought how time has flown from that baby to the young lady who was studying in my room, preparing for exams. Make peace with missing out on certain things. No-one has yet died from missing out.

- Expectations of others. I was so annoyed with the barista on Saturday because she couldn’t get my order right. The irritation stemmed from knowing that I need to revise some of my material for exams and here she was getting my order wrong. Twice.

But that wasn’t really the reason. I felt she was wasting my time. It wasn’t her fault that last week, I chose to watch The Outlaws instead of studying. It’s not her fault that racy Sandra Brown book on my bookshelf caught my eye and I decided to start

reading a novel instead of my study notes. Expecting others to fit into my timeline is a symptom of having too much on my plate. And that is no-one’s fault but my own.

- Unrealistic expectations of myself. Sometimes, you need to re-evaluate a tough goal and sometimes you need to abandon it. Find happiness in just making progress. Let progress be the metrics by which you measure success. The expectations you have for yourself are often not as important to others as you might think it is.

Here’s a few meaningful minute self-coaching questions to get you thinking:

Ø What do you embrace, not because it is meaningful to you but because others embrace it?

Ø How might your productivity change if you regained control of your time by cutting down your screen time?

Ø What activity do you use as an indicator that you have balance? (Example – if I have time to colour in my Proverbs colouring journal, then I know my time is evenly distributed).

Ø What norms have you adopted because it works for others and continue to do, even though they do not work for you?

That’s me. I finally ‘found’ the time to get this done. If you feel brave enough, then try the time calculator that Valorie Burton has devised.

When you see the numbers in black and white, trust me, something in you will revolt and you will start to put in place measures to jealously guard the precious time that God has given you.

https://valorieburton.com/itsabouttime

It’s About Time, © 2019 Valorie Burton, W Publishing, an imprint of Thomas Nelson.