That Man

Happy Women’s Day 2024. I’m always excited when August rolls around because I am often surrounded by dozens of activities celebrating and honoring women throughout the month. There’s dinners and high teas, corporate and private events, coffees, brunches, church events and catch ups. My favourite one is the one Roland arranges every year. The girls and I get taken out for a nice meal or on a long drive to one of our spots and we get celebrated. This wasn’t always the trend. It is something he mindfully has started doing over the last couple of years.

I know most people looking in from the outside might assume that I am a die-hard feminist. Someone as loud, bossy and mouthy as I am, must fall into that category.

The truth is I am an old fashioned somebody who expects the car door to be opened for me and who thinks ‘send flowers to wife’ should be tattooed on every mans forehead. That way, when they see each other, they can fist bump, be manly and their foreheads can remind each other to….send flowers.

I grappled with the many things I could write about for today. The many women I could focus on, who impacted me and shaped who I am today. My reality is that I have had many male figures who also played a significant role in who I am. With so many movements highlighting womanhood, today is a reminder that we are not at war with the men in our lives. Have we been treated unfairly because we are women? Without a doubt yes. Over the years, women have been subjected to abuse, gender bias, prejudice and unfair treatment, in the workplace and in the home, because we carry that different chromosome. However, many of us have also been loved, cherished and honored by our fathers, uncles, husbands, teachers, pastors, brothers and other titles that have been assigned to our male counterparts. I have added in the title ‘sons’ as an edit. A reader showed her son this and his feedback was, ‘How could Aunty Lynne forget sons?’ This add on is for the sons - shout out to Ryan and Owen. So

often the focus is on the narcissist, the abuser, the manipulator, the weak man. And rightly so because there seem to be more of those floating around than good men. Let’s not forget that many of our men, have been subject to the same hurts and abuse by a different narcissist, abuser, manuipulator. The abuser doesn't respect gender!

So today, it’s my time to honour the gentlemen who have made a lasting impact on me – both positive and negative. NO names will be mentioned but they know who they are.

-              Most of my life has been spent in church. Even as a teen, my days were filled Sunday school, band practice, weekday evening service, youth meetings and a myriad of other church activities. My friend’s dad was the pastor of the church I attended. I spent countless hours in their home and saw what an earthly representation of our heavenly Father was. Someone who worked hard for his children and worked even harder for the Kingdom. Someone who gave me pocket money for university, who attended my graduation and was very proud when I pulled up in my 1.3l Toyota Tazz, my first car. Someone, who to this day, when I get the chance to call and say hi will always end the conversation with, “I’m so proud of you. Love you.”

-              Then there’s the one who taught me what love wasn’t. Who I thought was a good person but was ego filled and very far from God. Equally to blame, it was my lack of proximity to God that allowed me to be derailed. Lies, manipulation and treachery dripped out of every pore of his (probably still does) and they are the best words to also describe that miserable episode. Best put that it way behind me and the memory certainly encourages me to pray fervently that my daughters never have the misfortune to encounter a version of you in their lives.

-              Fortunately, there was the one who taught me what love looks like. Who was a very young man when we met but who had a mature soul. Who has always provided the best for me and now does the same for his daughters. Is he perfect? Oh boy - no he is not. He is the first to seek advice and counsel and does whatever it takes to fix whatever the current issue is. He works hard for his family and spares no expense for his children. Who has spent his whole life serving in church and finding ways in which to spread God’s love through music.  A person who constantly reminds me of how God the Father loves. Unconditionally, without reservation and constantly.

-              My late mum’s brothers played a pivotal role when I was growing up. One, in particular, was my champion and in his eyes, I could never do any wrong. Just ask his sons, who will grudgingly admit that I was his favourite! He was such a tough disciplinarian, that I sometimes felt he was too tough on my cousins, but he was also another example of a man who worked hard, loved the Lord and loved God’s people.

-              Although my first boss was a woman, thereafter most of the people I reported to were males, right up to my current role. They have been people who pushed me to stretch my knowledge, pushed me into uncomfortable roles and gave me leadership opportunities, never once questioning that I could pull it off. They have acknowledged hard work, tried to convince me to return to organisations I have left and take pride in any success that I achieve. It is by the grace of God that I have been in the company of men who respect women in the workplace and nurture talent for talent’s sake. My current boss once misspelled my name for an entire year and when I eventually said something about it, he said thoughtfully, “Lynn with an E at the end. What a waste of an E!”  It was funny and it’s even funnier when I tell people, “Please spell my name with an E. For extraordinary and exceptional!!!”

-              I have never had a male sibling, but I have been abundantly blessed to have family and friends whose husbands have become those much-coveted older brothers. The one who always offers to make me a cup of tea or coffee. Who on a trip to China came back with an authentic silver tea container filled with chamomile tea leaves. The one who will make sure my braai chop is braaied just so. The one who makes sure his wife or daughter keeps my fish/crab curry for me and who knows a fancy bag or charcuterie board would go down well for a birthday gift.

The one who sends links to the trendy vegan restaurant. The one who will always send feedback when he reads my blog piece (usually finding a spelling error!). The one who gets side hugs because well…...it’s a side hug or nothing at all. There’s many of you who I could call at the drop of a hat and know without a shadow of a doubt that you would be there in an instant to help us out.

This one is for you guys. Yes, we celebrate women today, but we also celebrate those guys who helped us and continue to help us do life in the best possible way we can. This is for the gentlemen who still open doors, who pays for dinner – hell, he even cooks dinner, who does the dishes, mops floors and puts in a load of laundry. The ones who know how to style their daughters hair and take their girl children shopping for bra's and sanitary products. The one's who can admire a hairstyle or an outfit without it being a sexual advance. The ones who call us and text us to check if we arrived safely. The ones who ask for our advice. The one who let us weep when we are hurt and who dry our tears. The ones who know when to make sure there’s a slab of chocolate in the house! The ones who know that a lavender coloured latte is totally acceptable and who give us the space and time to indulge in such silly girly trends.

The men who lead us and pray for us. The men who protect us from violence and threats and will sacrifice themselves before they allow harm to come to us.

We pray for those men who are struggling with so many issues that the world has thrown your way.  May you discover Gods purpose for your life. The women of the world need you to be who God has always destined you to be.