Stop the Clock!

Today I woke up and felt my age. Which is very weird, since someone told me on Saturday that they can’t believe my age as they don’t see any wrinkles. It’s also weird because my friend recently told me to write about how times have changed and that 50 is no longer considered old.

Wait. Just a disclaimer.  I am not 50 yet. I still have some time to play with.

I was watching the Golden Girls and Kelsie was absolutely horrified that Rose and Dorothy were characters aged 52 and 53 but in her words, “….look like they are 80!” Roland said, “ That’s how people looked at 50….” To which she replied, “Look at your wife. Does she look like that?”

Cough. I repeat, I am not 50!

She then went on to find a meme that compared Carrie Bradshaw and Miranda Hobbs, characters who were supposed to be 53 and 54 on the series 'And Just Like That' versus the 'Golden Girls', at age 52 and 53. In her mind, Carrie and Miranda best represented that 50-ish age group. Fun, fit, fashion-savvy and fabulous.

I did casually mention that perhaps it was time to go grey. To which my other half said, "NO! If I had hair I would colour it-so no!" Then there's my friend, whose husband said she would look amazing if she went salt and pepper, except she said, " If I die and my hair is grey, dye my hair before you put me in the casket!"

These days, I am having conversations about retiring, and considering if my pension will be enough to sustain my lifestyle! Gasp of horror. I even loaded one of my self-published books on Amazon and thought it could earn me a passive income, which could go towards upping my pension. When I earned a whole 50c in royalties, I slumped over and ate a slab of chocolate. I felt better about retirement after that.

How times have changed! 40 became the new 30, 50 became the new 40 and  Oprah, when she turned 60 a few years ago, made 60 the new 50. I look in the mirror and I’m still that dumb girl from Phoenix township who believed the false narrative that she was fat and that her life was limited to 102 Swallowhaven Road! In the mirror, I still see the idiot who believed lies and made bad decisions and who didn't think she could make any sort of difference in this life.

I look at my circle and it’s hard to fathom that some have known me since I was a child. I look at Roland and think we have been together for more than half our lives. Just a note here that my circle look fabulous! No-one looks their age and they have grown older gracefully and beautifully. I decided to poke around and ask my circle (and  beyond) to share some practical bits of wisdom that have been tried and tested and can shed some light on this ‘getting older’ journey. I can’t tell you that I have tried them all. I’m hoping there’s still some time to attempt some changes and get a few more under my, errrr, very tight belt. If I'm honest, you should start applying these lessons in your twenties. You can thank me when you're 40!

• Save

How often have I heard this one? If I had listened, I wouldn’t be stressing about my pension!  These sages, however, do say, it’s never too late to start. It’s never too late to invest. It’s never too late to explore the current trends and try earning a passive income. Look-I work for a bank and I listen to the news.  I know the interest rate just went up! It is not easy to save. Find an accountability partner. My friend and I agreed that, this year, we didn't need to buy any new jackets or boots for winter. Not unless the clothes we currently own had suddenly become rags. Now, when I go shopping and look at that new Chelsea boot and hear it calling my name, I hear her voice calling my name too! Telling me to walk away. Besides-I’m too competitive to allow her to be the one who stuck to the plan and I’m the one who caved! Pffffft. That’s love and friendship right there.

• Use sunblock and shades

Yes. I know. You thought these were all going to be some thought provoking suggestions. Hey, I’m just writing them as they were dished out to me. This one I can swear by. Ladies-tinted sunblock will save you time and money. Gentleman-you do need sunblock even if you have more facial hair than Tarzan's mom.

• Leave and cleave

This comes from the Bible.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

We get it. This might not always be possible. Sometimes you need to live with the parents to save up, or to care for a sick parent. However, if you take your duties as a child of one family so seriously that you neglect your role and duties in your own family, then that’s a recipe for disaster.

I can’t count the number of people who told me that the biggest source of friction in their homes is the extended family. They have aged and grown old amidst the conflict.

Shout out to my in-laws here. Especially my father-in-law who reads every single little thing that I write. They are gentle, calm people who probably wonder what they ever did to deserve this wild creature as a daughter-in-law!

I know of family and friends who have  divorced due to disagreements over the lack of family boundaries.

Now this is going to cause some people to stop reading my blog. If there’s family friction, the problem is you. If you, as the husband in your home, or the wife in your home, allow your extended family to disturb the peace in your sanctuary, you are the problem. Not the in-laws, not the out-laws. You. You never left your mother and father. Sure, maybe you did it physically, but mentally, you remained in your childhood home and stayed 19! You!

You can tell me your mother-in-law is this and that. The problem is not her. It’s her child. The one who is refusing to grow up and take care of the wellbeing of the immediate family instead of pleasing the extended family.

You can tell me your sister-in-law is this and that. Nope. The problem is your sister-in-law's sibling. Enough said.

• Chop the chop

I am a sucker for chops fried in the air fryer. How the hell did people do life before the air fryer? I love a good chops chutney. A few years ago I had to change my diet and sacrifice red meat. Not throw it on the braai and thank God for the animal who gave it’s life but cut it from my meal plan completely. Too many people have told me that as they have grown older, they have started on a more vegetarian-based eating style. It becomes a way of life and before you know it, your body has adjusted and you feel gooooood. I have mastered the art of saving the meat meal for a special occasion and let’s just say my green banana kebab chutney should be served in a Michelen star restaurant! Ok, perhaps I exaggerate but they are good. Thanks to Aunty Kamy Moodley for sharing her recipe, which I then added to and made my own. More veg, less meat. Don’t shoot the messenger.

Here’s a few more, which don’t need an explanation or for me to elaborate, so I have clumped them together in no particular order:

• be active……make it something you enjoy, not something you are forced to do.....everyday

• drink a glass of red wine everyday

• listen to your favourite song everyday

• moisturise, moisturise, moisturise

• perform random acts of service, love & kindness as often as you can

• prioritise your health

• drink more water

• romance and sexy time (this came from a 70 year old….so I type and giggle)

• write your will

• update your will

• stay connected with your tribe

•  watch the sun rise at least once in a year

• act your age ie. don’t make stupid adolescent decisions even if you look 10 years younger than you are

• get used to grief….it becomes your new normal after you lose your first close friend

• eat ice cream with chocolate sauce

• dress your age, even if you have a rocking body. No grandson wants to see grandma in a skimpy top! Elegance and class is key

• keep learning

• sleep……especially a nap in the day!

• use your brain….games, puzzles, anything that gets the grey matter going

• engage your senses……different activities to stimulate all the senses…..different days for different senses!

I eventually dragged my body out of bed and decided to complete this piece. I slapped on some sunblock, used my fingers to type (using my senses wink wink) and I’m trying to talk myself into taking a walk. There’s something immensely beautiful about growing older. Something intrinsically satisfying about being wiser and confident and unconcerned with trivialities. I might as well embrace it. I plan on being that sassy older lady who tries her hand at matchmaking, gives all the kids too much sugar and laughs the loudest at inappropriate times. So much to do. So little time!