Older.....and wiser!

Todays's love story was penned by a guest writer:

Endless years of gazing out my bedroom window watching the change of seasons. Daydreaming while orange leaves fell gently on the ground. Flinching as winds raged time and again. Watching the sunshine piercing through the darkest spots. Pondering while rain gently flowed over the rooftop. I am whipped back in time to the two failed long-term relationships and a disastrous episode with a married man who posed as single. I was engaged to one, which didn’t work out and and had been cheated on by the other. Lied to many times over. I had given my money to a partner whom I trusted all in the name of love, devotion and sacrifice. I was broken into a million pieces.

I lost my self worth even though I had a thriving career and lacked nothing. I longed for the simple things in life and at the top of my list was love. Pure Love. I took my heart off the table and buried the hope of a life that I still secretly dreamed of. The dream of being married to Prince Charming at 25. Having a child at 27 whilst living a blissful life in a house I had turned into a home . After all, a home is where your heart resides … where all your dreams come true. Where love shows up in good times and bad. What a fairytale! Why wouldn’t I want all of this and more? Instead, I had bottled many tears over 36 years of my life.

Until that day. The day that I found what my heart longed for. In the stillness of the night, after many days of tormented grief, I turned to search for the One who created and formed me and knitted me in my mother’s womb. I searched for peace and understanding of what had transpired in my life. Asking the endless question, “Why me?” Why when I gave nothing but love and sacrificed so much for others, was my heart not feeling fulfilled? Why was my heart treated so carelessly? I turned to writing down my desires in a journal and addressing it to God.

At the top of my list was a trip to Israel. I wanted to reach out to the poor, to write praise and worship songs, to be able to take care of my mum and family. To my list, I added a list of characteristics that I wanted in my life partner who would also embrace that my family needed me. I wanted to be able to tick off all the things I had written down. I questioned if God could and would actually do this for me. It seemed ridiculous to friends when I said to them I want my souls reflection and I wrote down what I want in a man. I was laughed at but I left it all in the hands of God. Praise and worship has always been my core and by Gods grace, I was asked to sing in a choir for a Gospel concert. At that point in my life, all I had was a list. I was not dating anyone. I was focused on my career, my family, and my relationship with God. I was not interested in being involved with anyone. Gods plan was different. At rehearsal for the concert one night, when the choir sang and the band played, someone struck a wrong note. I picked my head up, and my eyes clashed with a man who had also heard it and picked his head up to see who the culprit was. When we made eye contact, we both started laughing.

We didn’t know each other at the time but our connection came immediately when we both heard that awful wrong note.

Due to transport issues we ended up travelling home together that evening. We started talking and got to know each other. It was endless, enjoyable conversations just connecting on a spiritual level. It was so refreshing. And so our love story began. We became more attracted to each other on a spiritual and soulful level. We connected on a deeper level emotionally. Around that time, when the relationship was starting to become serious, I picked up my old journal where I had written down my lists. Off the ten points I had written down for a partner, I was able to tick off eight! One, I knew was still a work in progress and the other was a factor I knew people would struggle with. Age.

The world had no problem accepting an older man dating a younger woman, but when that formula was reversed, people became unkind and ugly. He was younger than I and in our conservative communities; this was a factor that caused much unwanted gossip and speculation about our relationship. Did this faze my partner? Not one tiny bit. He was thrilled to have found an older woman who was secure in herself, who didn’t whine over immature things, who was stable and independent, dignified, gentle and had her priorities straight. For us, mental maturity, love, understanding and compatibility were key factors.

Some family and friends of course had different opinions. There were some nasty comments. And questions to my partner. “Why are you marrying your mother?” and “Why do you need an aunty for yourself?“ The all-important, “Will she be submissive to a younger husband?” The most hurtful was, “What if she doesn’t bear children?”

The topic of children caused major concern. Would we try or not try especially with the risks associated with pregnancy when you are older? My partner reassured me that he was marrying me because he loves me. Not because he needs a child from me. Whatever Gods will was, we were going to accept it wholeheartedly. That was a true reflection of God’s love for me. Accepting me as I am, with all my flaws.

Three and a half years later we were married and have never looked back once. God will always send you the right partner. When I say right - he will be right for you. With flaws and imperfections. It’s not always going to be 100% but it will be pretty close after growing together, praying together, understanding each other and being patient with one another. You will learn to manage the little annoyances and when he is not around, you will miss him like crazy even when he makes you angry just before leaving home. He will love you for you and will care for you even in your worst of moods. You will learn to laugh at being angry for silly things and learn to embrace each other’s differences as a special treasure in your relationship. A God ordained love is never impossible. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

I let hope back into my life and the God of hope took my little scribbled down list and turned it into reality. It took me a long time to let go of my past but I took the plunge. I chose faith over fear. Be confident in the One who gives us a human experience for the fulfillment of our spiritual being. There will always be hurt, trouble, fears and uncertainty in life. But we need to lean on the One who created all things. He will make all things new and help us see things before they are. He makes all things possible.

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I shared this story because the wonderful woman of faith who wrote it is very dear to me. I shared it because she was often in my prayers for God to send her the right person because I knew of all the wrong people who had turned her world upside down. It was a day of celebration when she shared her news with me. She had met the one who had turned her world right side up again! It wasn’t just excitement over a new relationship and her hearts desires being met. It was celebration that God always knows what you need. He knows who you need. He has the perfect time set for when He will act. Or not act. It was a re-affirming of my faith and led me closer to God because if He could answer a simple prayer about someone’s life partner, there was no limit to what He could do if I just trusted Him. The writer remains anonymous because that conservative community she spoke about is still very much alive and well. God’s amazing faithfulness is on display here highlighting the mysteries of His ways that are far beyond our understanding.