Monster Mom

I had to think long and hard before I decided to write this. I even ran it pass some of the regular readers, who always give me valuable insights. I would have recorded a video, like one of my readers has suggested, except that that was going to cause an even bigger stir. My tone of voice usually gets me into trouble even when I’m being nice!

Gentleman, you may or may not like what you read (trust me-I know the female readers would have sent you the link!) but that depends on how guilty you are of some of the acts listed below.

Here’s what some of us monster mommies think about when someone mentions mother’s day:

• The whole weekend belongs to us. Not just the Sunday. Yes. It starts on Friday evening. Don’t invite people around for Saturday. That means we have got to cook, clean, entertain, then clean up again before we fall into an exhausted sleep, not really caring any longer about Mothers day.

• Do not ask your children, “What should we get mummy for Mothers Day?” Guide them for goodness sake. We have given plenty of hints from January. If you had listened, you would know!

• Please do something special for your own mother, not just your wife or mother of your child. Do we need to remind you? She gave birth to you, so, make a phone call, send flowers, send money. That is not our job.

• Unless the child is 10 years old and below, we don’t want vouchers for free hugs and free foot massages. Go to your nearest beauty salon and come back with a real voucher.

• We also don’t want bath bombs. In our minds, we are secretly wishing we could throw the bomb at your head.

• We don’t want a house full of people on Mothers Day. Extended so and so and aunts and uncles and cousins. If it’s in our homes, then we will still have to play hostess. That means, after it’s done, we have to clean up.

• We don’t want to be asked, “What do you want to do for Mothers Day?” Damn it. Google and Pinterest will give you enough ideas to satisfy a bus load of mums. Do. Not. Ask.

• We don’t want clothes that would have fit us before we had children. Yeah- its real. Our bodies change after children. Buy the right size or get a gift receipt so we can go and exchange it for something completely different.

• We don’t want pots and pans or any household item. Even if it spells SMEG-we don't want it. Well, not for Mothers Day anway.

• We don’t want anything that says BEST MOM. Nothing. Every time we see it, we are guilted into trying to be the best of everything. We can’t do it. Accept it.

•   We don't want life insurance or a funeral plan. Just give us that. No- one will ever find your body.

• We don’t want breakfast in bed if it means we have to get up from that breakfast and scrape egg off the kitchen ceiling.

•  We don't want to spend the day in the company of any woman who thinks she is the best mother. Be it your own mother, sister, aunty, grandma or any other relevant female. We don’t want to be reminded of our less than perfect homes, bodies, skin, careers or parenting skills. We know. And we’re trying gosh darn it.

• If money is tight, let us know. We can rather deal with nothing than back breaking debt after the day is done.

• We don't want you to break the bank then remind us of this mothers day until 2030!

Now, here’s a huge shout out to all of you for trying. We know that you try. We appreciate everything you do for us in the name of making it special. We love the thought behind the too small clothes and the 5th frying pan and the bath products. We do. We love you.

What we would love most is just a simple thank you for everything that we do.

We love it when you’re thoughtful about everyday duties.

We love being appreciated for who we are, flaws and all.

We want to be prayed for by our families, because trust me, you are being prayed for by us.

We want to be heard.

We want to be comforted as much as we comfort. We want more acceptance and less judgement.

We want you to listen. No mother ever gave advice that would be to the detriment of her family.

We want to be trusted. A women's intuition is very seldom wrong.

We want to be forgiven for the times we have got it wrong. We will keep trying.

We want to be told, “I love you”.

We want to hear your good news. It allows us to celebrate you and be grateful for the things you accomplish.

We want to know that you have made good decisions.

We want to know that you are kind and loving and that you would stand for justice when others don’t. We don’t want to live in the shadows of those who have got it right 100% of the time.

We want to be accepted as us. The person who is meant to be the right mummy for our family even if we’re functioning at 50% and dropping the ball more often than not.

We want to know that in the hustle and bustle of life,

of chores, messes, ups and downs, screaming and shouting, laughter and tears, that our families are thriving, because your joy is what makes our day complete.

Dedicated to all Monster Mommies everywhere. May the upcoming Mothers Day be everything you want it to be.